On Thursday we had a little bit of trouble getting out the door, and so I missed the Body Flow Class I usually take at the Y. That's okay.. there was a Yoga class starting up right as we walked in.
Let me preface this little story by explaining.. I don't think I am a Yoga person. I am not flexible, my muscles (what little is left of them) do not "relax" as I breathe, I do not enjoy being still, and when uncomfortable I do not like to focus on the discomfort and breathe it away, generally I stop said discomfort by sitting on my big old buns. Hence, the lingering presence of big old buns in my life, I'm just not really a "fighter" anymore.
Anyways... I am setting up my little green mat and preparing my mind for an ENTIRE HOUR of STILLNESS, as the instructor sets up little LED tea lights throughout the room while patiently explaining how these make great focus objects and as we relax into the poses we can move this light into our bodies. I tried to only roll my inner eyes, because I really don't go for this sort of mumbo jumbo.
It went about as I expected, we were doing the seated forward folding which always gives me painful flashbacks to the sit-n-reach we had to do in middleschool. When I caught sight of her. This 60 something woman whose head was on her knees while her arms extended past her TOES!! I know she was a veritable pretzel.. and then I really looked at her and she had a workout ensemble...
Don't misread me here I do not mean outfit. I certainly don't mean the ratty t-shirt and tights from college that I squoze into sported. I use this phrase ensemble to indicate that EVERY aspect of her workout couture was color coordinated, including, I exxagerrate not, her JEWLERY!! She was sporting some sort of beady sparkly necklace and matching dangling earrings and BRACELETS.
Seriously people!!! so If I was unable to focus previously because of my not so great at yoga problem, I certainly was struggling after seeing the ever rare vintage Yoga Barbie pretzling her brittle extremities into shapes unknown.
I just kept wondering, how does she hold her arms up with all those bracelets? When we were upside down in Gorilla I kept listening for a little chortle indicating her chunky sparkle necklace had become lodged in her windpipe and she would now need me to heimlich it out.
I am certainly not a glamour girl, I am pretty clearly a jeans and t-shirt girl, but Yoga Grannie Barbie got me thinking, would I enjoy this process of whittling my self into some semblance of my former self if I were color coordinated and properly accessorized? Well I couldn't contemplate it any further because when I strained my own aging body into happy baby Yoga Grannie Barbie cut a big old toot!!! Apparently she relaxed a little to far into it. So then I had to work on not erupting into giggles.
I was dying to ask her if her workout ensemble was resistance training, or some sort of super saturday sale dash training, or if after her shower she would switch to another whole set of accessories that would coordinate with her leaving the Y ensemble. Did all that fashion planning make her feel pretty when she was working out? I do not feel pretty when I work out, I feel pained, weak, and very sweaty. Not pretty. Maybe I need some earrings.